the boxes we put ourselves in

So, I would really like to talk to someone that has no preconceptions about me. I want a secret space I can write in where I don't feel like if the wrong person sees, they will assume they know what is going on in my head and take actions to do what they consider helping. Sometimes, I want to ask questions to people and not have them think there are ulterior motives.

I would like to be as ME as possible, but I find this a hard thing to do.
I'm coming to the realization that while trying to find the "right path" really only means I am trying to find MY path in life. The one I am to walk. This does not mean that my way is right or correct, it is just the thing I seek to be true to MYSELF.
But MYSELF is so hard to define, as it seems to depend on who I am around.
I find that the longer I've known a person, the more likely I am to fall in to a role I have given myself. So, I want to confront this role and ask myself WHY do I behave that way?


I want to ask these questions and have other people actually think about it.
I really think the way our culture is set up now, it doesn't give people time to think about things. We're all too busy trying to have superficial conversations; relating to each other on superficial levels (did you watch [insert show title] last night?).
But what happens when you take the time to listen to your inner parts? All that conscience and stuff people are always talking about? Who thinks about this stuff or who even has time to these days?
We are always so busy.
I think it is imperative to give yourself some quiet reflective time  to mull over these thoughts.
Why do I act this way? Why do I hold these interests? What is being said here? What are these emotions saying about me? How am I being perceived?
That last question haunts me regularly, though a large part of me is certain I shouldn't be concerned with it. But I am - to the point that it makes me question if I am indeed me, or the sum of my parts.
Which brings me back to my initial issue of not being able to define myself. Finding that I put MYSELF in boxes without being able to determine the whys.
Am I seeking power? Am I feigning ignorance? Am I really following my own path or the one that has been set for me?
Do I act as I want despite who is around? Why can't I?
Will I ever be able to forgive my own mistakes - they have shaped me in to who I have become because I can't shake my own disappointment.
Am I even being fair? To those I interact with and to myself?

Oh, ponderings.
One day I would LOVE to come to a conclusion, but that isn't the point of life, now; Is it?