Call Me Out!

While I may not know who I am fully, I am getting an understanding that conditioning has gone much deeper than one might initially think.
I ask people, sometimes, what they like about me - I don't mean to sound like I'm in to myself, I just want to know WHY people like being around me.
Many people have said that they like that I am a GOOD person. I try very hard to take everyone's opinion or feelings in to account before I act. I like to make people happy and I try to be true to myself (the nice me). I am generally very positive and like to actually THINK.
These are all great things to hear about yourself. But are they true?
I find that I try to put my best foot forward, and present myself like I have things figured out or that I'm doing things with the BEST intention possible - most of the time this is pretty true.
But in some instances, especially when people tell me to "do what I want and not worry about them" I can get a little out of hand. Take a WEDDING for example.

Now, most know me as a very easy going person, but I only do this in the sense that I have been on the other end of people being crazy, and I don't want to stress people out like that.
When it came to my wedding, it was awesome fun. There was no drama and everyone had a great time - I didn't even freak out (till the days before) or behave like the stereotypical Bridezilla. BUT! I found myself still behaving poorly around the ones I care about when they tried to do things "how I wanted them."
THIS IS WHY I SMOKE BOWLS PEOPLE. I work very hard to keep myself calm on the outside - how you handle situations ultimately tells people who you are. Don't freak out - take it one step at a time - you don't know how it will end.
People were telling me that I could do what I wanted. It was MY wedding, after all - no one else (save for the hubby). But I started getting hung up on the details towards the end. I spent more money than I wanted to and am still trying to pay it off (I'm so sorry to those I haven't paid fully yet :/ ). Was it worth it? Hell YEAH! But if given the opportunity, would I have cut back a little bit? Probably. Or I would have saved up more before - either way I would have done very little differently.
But even in my super-totally-awesome relationship, we fought towards the end and wondered if we were doing it right - if we should even bother going through with it. Crazy, huh? (for those who know me, it might seem odd, but reassuring).
Point IS!: the little things are not worth freaking out - and it's always best to have someone who knows you really well, who knows how you are trying to conduct yourself in stressful situations, keeping tabs on you. It is really important to have someone CALL YOU OUT when you are getting out of hand. And to listen to them.
Personally, I need people to check in and ask me constantly (because when I ask myself, I find it easier to just NOT answer) if what I am doing is really what I WANT to be doing, or if I am just falling back on habits. Most of the time I default to habits - and I don't find this to be healthy. For myself or those around me, especially if I hold true to the thought that my energy effects those around me. And on top of that, it's not fair to those around me, or myself. If I just fall back to what I normally do, I am not challenging myself to grow, am I? And I'm not showing people another way to handle things. Defaulting is never good (opinion subject to change).

So where does that leave us?
Never be afraid to question your own actions.
And have a buddy who isn't afraid to question you either.
It's healthy :)
<3