A box within a box; in boxes in sections

Burning Man report:

What a mind fuck - pardon the language.
In the ways I least expected - which I have to admit, I was unprepared for.

People warned me that I would find most of society humorous upon returning. That the small things people worry about just aren't as important as they seemed before leaving. I was told I would need time to readjust to what everyone refers to as "default world."

I had prepared for this, but found it somewhat silly for people to assume I was in the default world already. I already laughed at the first world problems people in our society face.

While there, I looked for meaning. I looked inside myself to find answers to questions I hadn't asked. Questions I did not seek at all, I meant only to find answers.
But questions abound regardless of what I sought: What was I to learn form this? What should I take back? How do people do this? Why am I not having a break through? And why couldn't I push myself to go do MORE?

Least of all I prepared myself for was the temple and it's eventual burning. I could not feel the things I EXPECTED to feel when I watched it burn. I felt nothing as I sat there and saw the torrents of flame spiral into the sky. I could not bring myself to cry until I got close. Until I was an arm length away from the flames, I felt absolutely nothing moving.
And all at once, I acknowledged my issues of trying to do too much. How critical I was of myself for my own actions or lack there of.
I wanted to let go of the judgements I placed on others and mostly on myself for not being comfortable enough to do what we all wanted.

And so upon returning, I came across more issues. I cannot close myself off from others energy as effectively as I once could.
I have never been afraid of my tears, but I just can't stop crying since coming back.
I am so terrified to default back that I am struggling every day to be who I want to be, and find reasons to not express myself the way I want.
So what if I want to wear kitty ears while I walk around/work?
So what if I want to hug someone who seems to be having a hard day?
And WHAT are all these issues people have? And WHY don't people want to talk about them and move past them?

I think that might be my biggest problem with this world - and why the waterworks don't stop; I can't stand by when people just loop themselves in bad behavior and destructive patterns.
I don't have the energy to be around people of the general public anymore - as they have done nothing but hide from themselves for so long that they have tried to convince themselves that the way everyone else behaves is THE WAY to go about doing things.
Maybe these are new judgements I have to get over - but this is my life I am trying to get a handle on. I am trying my hardest to let my energy effect others positively, and out there it does just fine. But when I come home I have nothing but resentment built up. People and their problems that wont leave my head.
I am told that I should meditate and let it go - but as I have confessed before I don't know how to do that. Meditating I get; it's the letting go that is a mystery to me.
Forget that you know - and then forget that you forgot.
How do you learn if you forget? I know that I should let things go and not let them fester. I try my hardest to not let things fester.
Maybe I should stop people from venting to me? Admit that I can't take their problems and my own on in my heart? But I feel like I would be letting so many people down.

I don't often ask for time away from everything.
I don't want to be alone very often.
But for the love of GOD, I need to not hear about every problem in the world or your head or at your job.
Everyone has their own shit to deal with and I'm about at my max - as I can't even hear my own issues.

I hide in other peoples problems. If I can fix their situation; if I can help them in any way, I MUST be helping myself, right? A fallacy I need to acknowledge and get over.

Massage is my meditation. It helps me get rid of all the other stuff I hold on to. And it makes my body shake when I can't or haven't been doing it.
Peace of mind is so close. School falls in to the category of taking care of myself and I am so excited to go back. Thank you to all who have encouraged me to follow my heart/soul!