More Self Reflections - A Better Idea of Self

This is a morning of crazy amounts of caffeine. I will try and reign myself in as much as possible, but I leave you with a warning: I MAY RAMBLE. I may get off topic, I may squirrel around and I MIGHT not be very linear. That being said, bare with me.

So, life has been interesting lately. A new chapter that I had been waiting to open plopped in my lap.
POLYAMOURY! Being in an OPEN relationship and what that means to MY brain, MY PARTNERS brain and how we've been opening our communication.

While this was something I sought in the beginning, having it brought to me from outside sources made me think my impatience was warranted. AND THEN I hurt my partner pretty bad when I didn't listen. So, I sat there. And I pushed. And I asked my partner to take in to consideration the feelings of excitement and flirting, and maybe taking it just a little further.
And it worked! But my reaction wasn't what I expected.
Suddenly I was filled with doubt. I doubted myself, my friends, my comfort levels - all the essential things. I thought I was self sabotaging again - Why would I push my partner to connect with someone else? Am I THAT afraid of commitment?
And that's when it hit me, at 3 o'clock in the morning, no less: I was trying to live my life to other people's standards AGAIN! I was weighing my own life choices against those of our society. I had internalized societal views of multiple partners and alternative lifestyles, and I had told myself that there MUST be something wrong with me. That it wasn't normal to care for more than one person; that I shouldn't be attracted to anyone beyond my partner and I most definitely shouldn't act on those feelings if there are any.

And again, I just want to say that this is NOT the case. There is nothing WRONG with me for loving people; I am a caring individual. I love sharing my gift of caring and appreciation for all things. This is something people tell me is one of my best qualities. This is a trait I should embrace and now that I have a bit more understanding from the ones I care about and what it means when I'm expressing myself, I am more than excited to feel good about myself again.

Remember! Never judge yourself by other people's standards! We are all amazing creatures and we should be treated as such. How you live your life should be your choice, especially when you aren't hurting any one else. Treat others the way you want to be treated - through and through.

With that, I bid you all a fond farewell for the day!
Stay positive, guys!